Dear Doris

The need for clear and honest closure, when that time has come.

my question- how to ask for…and receive that

with appreciation,

M.

Dear M.

Thank you for having the courage to send me an important relationship question. You are the first to take me up on my offer to the community for the submission of their most “burning relationship questions”.

I assume you are sensing that a significant relationship of yours is ending. You would like to experience honest closure with the person involved but you’re not sure how to achieve that.

First, you will have to ask for a clear and honest end to the relationship and whether he or she is open to it. Since this is a “yes” or “no” question, be prepared to accept “no” as an answer.

If the answer is “no”, you will have to find your own closure. Often, when important relationship desires are not being fulfilled, we have to tap into our own resources and those around us. Ceremonies and rituals are powerful tools not only for celebrations but also for times of transition and grief. They are a creative and healing outlet for our emotions and they help us move forward. They can be simple and short. I recommend you to create a ritual or ceremony to bring closure to the relationship. Creating or finding an object that represents the relationship and include it in your ceremony or ritual can be helpful.

If the answer is “yes”, you may want to look into ending the relationship with a professional at your side. If you decide to find closure without a third person involved, I recommend the two of you together create an ending ritual or ceremony as a way to acknowledging all the good things about your relationship and what was difficult and challenging. As before, I recommend that you find an object or create one that represents your relationship and include it in your ceremony or ritual.

In any case, allow your friends and family to support you in this process, especially when you experience overwhelming feelings. Do not hesitate to reach out to them.

Warmly,

Doris

 

If you have any relationship questions, please send them to doriswier@embraceconflicts.com